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Sexual Behaviour
Common L- and R-brain human behaviours
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*** WARNING ***
This research topic focusses on human sexual behaviours from a L- and R-brain perspective.
By the very nature of this topic, its content is R-rated for L-brain readers aged 18 years and over. By choosing to scroll down the page and read the following material, we must assume (i) that you are honest and mature; (ii) that you have acknowledged the work is purely for research purposes; and (iii) that you take full legal and social responsibility if you are not suppose to be reading this material.
As a parent, you may need to find out whether this information is suitable for your children. Depending on your children's responses you may wish to do one of the following:
- If your children do not understand the words "penis" and "vagina" and their relationship, it is unlikely they will find the information below of interest. But if you like, please purchase a web page filtering software program such as Web Nanny to ensure your children are unable to access this page.
- If, however, your children do understand the terms used, we recommend that you begin talking to your children about sex education (1) now before letting them read this material. We believe the more children learn about this topic, the more quickly they can grow into mature, balanced and responsible young adults.
NOTE: Pictures shown on this page DO NOT reveal graphic scenes of sexual intercourse. They have been chosen to be the most socially-acceptable for publishing and to help highlight certain L- and R-brain issues associated with human sexual behaviour. The images presented below are for scientific purposes only.
The L-brain approach to selecting sexual partners
There is a heavy reliance by L-brain people to use direct observation through their eyes to make all sorts of decisions. When a decision is made, it is often accompanied by rapid changes in behaviour (such as a quickening of the heart rate, a hardening of the penis, the nipples may become erect and firm etc).
Because decisions are made by sight alone, L-brain people are likely to emphasise good outer appearance as important to choosing the right sexual partner rather than knowing something about the person first. Thus it is not unusual for L-brain people to have a strong preference for young sexual partners because of their high probability of being attractive in the eyes of L-brain people.
Being eager and showing a sense of competitiveness in being the first in whatever they do is another common characteristic of L-brain types. We see this in the way L-brain people like to be first to approach a sexual partner of interest and possibly engage in sex. And they like to think they are the first when L-brain people brag to their friends about how they were the first to try this or that on someone else. L-brain people are therefore particularly fond of potential sexual partners who they believe, or like to believe or think, are still a virgin.
This L-brain approach to sex is usually exhibited by men. (2)
It is an approach learned throughout evolution. Why? Because men observe, remember, recognise and act through their eyes, memory and through action with their bodies those specific patterns which they think is of relevance to their survival. For example, the presence of a predator is a pattern needing to be observed, remembered and to find the quickest and most direct set of actions (ie. the behaviours) to implement in order to solve what could end up becoming a life-and-death situation.
Men have learned from this L-brain approach to be direct, quick and efficient, sometimes forceful and rough to achieve their survival-based goals when using the eyes. And because the lives of men, especially in the past, is usually short, it is likely the same L-brain approach will be used when approaching sex with a female.
Competition among males for sex with the right female is not uncommon for L-brain males.
This may explain why women in L-brain society have learned to sit back and wait for men to approach them. If women are sufficiently attractive, men will eventually approach them. Women merely have to sit back, tease a little and, if they are happy with the male partner and will be a good provider, give in to the demands of the right male.
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How L-brain people approach the issue of sex with someone else
When a L-brain person finds someone fitting into this outer "attractiveness" criteria, it is not uncommon for the person to take the initiative by approaching and talking to the person of interest. Well, they are communicative types, so why not?
If the L-brain person is particularly confident about sex, he/she will usually ask straight out to see what the reaction is. Or if the person feels a little nervous (especially in a public place), he/she may decide to whisper in the ear or pass a note to the person of interest expressing his/her intimate sexual desires.
French women have a reputation for whispering their sexual desires in men's ears. It is possible such women might be described as the L-brain or balanced types.
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For a few L-brain people with even less experience and/or confidence about sex to ask directly, they will find the courage to ask for a date.
While on a date, initial conversations involves talking about a whole variety of everyday (ie. innocent) things, but not necessarily the item he/she is really interested in (ie. sex). Later, as a L-brain person feels increasingly more comfortable with the other person, he/she may choose certain words during conversation to suggest the possibility of sex, but are extremely careful to use a double meaning or to be subtle at the very least as this helps the L-brain person work out whether the other person is really interested in sex as well as protecting his/her own self-esteem in case the other person is not sexually inclined.
For example, a L-brain person with a sexual interest in someone else may ask very early in the relationship words to the effect of "Do you have the time?" If the other person looks at his/her watch and says, "Oh yes, the time is a quarter past 4" then this is usually enough of a clue for the L-brain person to think the other person is not yet sexually-inclined. However, if the other person does say, "Hmmm, what did you have in mind?", then this opens the door for the L-brain person to be more direct in his/her intentions and sexual desires.
In general, L-brain people are quick to work out in their minds what they really need or want from sight alone. If they are confident, which they usually are in most situations, and no amount of clever and carefully contrived 'sexual' talking of an indirect nature will do, they will simply ask straight out on the first day what they need or want and then go ahead and do it spontaneously without thinking.
The L-brain types can be somewhat forceful on others when it comes to sex, especially with someone who is young and attractive. Because of this and the fact that many L-brain people tend to act on what they see in a relatively quick and spontaneous manner and, especially if they are young, do not always think about the consequences of their actions, laws have been established in a L-brain society to ensure there is a minimum legal age people can engage in sexual activity. (3)
It is also common to find young L-brain people having babies when they are in their teens or early twenties.
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There is a preference for L-brain sex in the animal kingdom (insects, reptiles and most mammals). Because of the harshness of the environment with predators all around, combined with other complicating factors such as poor reproductive abilities, and the number of females and males available in a given area, animals quickly learn and retain in their genes a specific way of having sex.
Once a seemingly successful solution is found to the problem of sex, there is little time to be thinking about the issue any further. Males have enough problems to contend with such as trying to survive long enough to achieve the ultimate purpose of transferring sperms to a female and then afterwards it doesn't matter, and for females to find ways to protect themselves from predators as well as to find adequate amounts of food to support the growing offsprings.
For example, if you have a predator that successfully reduces the population of a species, sex within the species can and do take on the form of regular and large-scale group sex, or sex orgies as they are known. Once the decision is made to see group sex as normal, sex performed is essentially L-brain in nature between partners (especially common for insects).
Or some females may evolve the ability to produce many eggs and have them all fertilised and released into the environment. A classic example of this is the long lifespans of turtles having significantly delayed reproductive systems. Another is the frog. Both animals take advantage of the large number of fertilised eggs to help maximise the chances for perpetuating the species.
Sometimes sex may be seen as so important because of the number of predators that it must take place early enough to the point where the males of some species must grow and impregnate his "sisters" inside the womb of the mother (eg. termites). Once the job is done, the males usually die of starvation. This is also common among species where the males cannot serve any other purpose such as protecting the females and/or itself because of the nature of their natural predators.
Sometimes the availability of food in the environment may be crucial as to how females will evolve within a species to perform uncreative L-brain sex with males. In other words, where food is limited, sex can involve females eating the male partners (eg. spiders). This again is a natural evolutionary response where in times of famine the males provide a source of nutrients to keep the female alive long enough until the offsprings are fully developed and ready to be released.
In other species, the males may evolve benefits beyond supplying sperms, such as protecting the female(s) from predators. In this situation, eating a male during sex would not be in the interest of the female(s). Females will make use of the ability for males to protect them during and after the offsprings are born until they are ready to survive the harsh environment. This is common among mammals.
In reptiles, the ability to protect itself and the offsprings can often be achieved by the females. So there is little need for interaction by the males with females except to reproduce.
In other situations, males and females of a species may be few and far between. Where the lifespan of individuals for a particular species is considered short, some species may develop a penis and a vagina on the same body as a backup mechanism to help maintain the genetic code until such time as a partner becomes available. When given a choice, most animals don't rely on this method for creating offsprings. The preference is to find a partner with sufficiently different genetic material to help maximise the survival of the species.
In other species, the solution can be solved simply by creating a male offspring to act as a mate for the female that produced it if no other male arrives.
The ways to reproduce are quite diverse in the animal kingdom (especially in the insect world). But once a solution is found, the process is quick and becomes what psychologists call L-brain in nature. We will discuss more of this L-brain sexual behaviour later.
Fortunately for humans, we have the ability to break free from L-brain sex. We can do different things (luckily for men who don't want to be eaten alive during sex) because we can apply more R-brain skills to the behaviour. We have more time to think about the process more deeply than any other species on Earth.
Generally, where a species is able to survive more easily, perhaps by defending itself better against predators and/or there is adequate food supplies, sex can become more R-brain in nature. This is one of the great gifts bestowed to humans.
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The R-brain approach to selecting potential sexual partners
R-brain people may sometimes use their eyes to seek potential partners, but more often than not will rely on their imagination and strong visualisation skills to create the ideal sexual partner in their mind first instead of going out, observing and meeting different people to see what characteristics they would like the most. This means the choice of a suitable sexual partner in the real world can be significantly delayed.
Because of this delayed approach, R-brain people are usually more careful in choosing the right sexual partner of their dreams.
This R-brain approach to sex is usually exhibited by women. (4)
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When females are young and well protected at home and/or have no stress or problems to worry about, they tend to develop R-brain skills to help visualise sex and the ideal partner and will often use strong emotions to guide their thinking.
On the other hand, a more balanced-thinking female will look on the R-brain side (mainly to imagine various kinds of things she would like to do with her preferred partner, the long-term goals to achieve together, benefits to families and society in joining with the partner etc), L-brain side (short-term goals such as attractiveness and in the practicalities of how to satisfy immediate emotional and physical needs of, say, having to see the partner again, who can provide the food etc) and the primitive brain (ie. generating the emotions of love and the corresponding physiological effects on the rest of the body).
For example, a balanced-thinking female may initially rely on her L-brain for "attractiveness" in a partner (this may be learnt from being with other males or L-brain females). Once the primitive brain is stimulated by the necessary emotions of love through the L-brain, the R-brain may kick in by painting the bigger picture of what happens when "doing things together" and whether it is important to have children or not etc. All this may be repeated as the female learns more about her partner until such time as she will decide how to bring it all to fruition.
Sometimes a balanced-thinking female may initially rely on the R-brain first to create the ideal partner in the mind and then, with enough time, eventually observe someone through the L-brain in real life having the qualities of the "imagined partner". Then the primitive side of the brain kicks in and eventually sex may be experienced.
Whichever approach is taken by females, when all aspects of the L-brain, R-brain and the emotions are satisfied and all the issues have been thought through deeply enough, thoughts of sex will develop in the female mind and this will translate into reality at the right time and place with her preferred partner.
However, if all aspects of what females are looking for are not available or not within reasonable time, they will tend to find one male who can provide at least the basic neccessities of food, shelter etc (ie. someone who is rich) but may choose on the side if the moment arrives another partner (ie. someone who is more attractive) to provide the genes for the offsprings. Or they may simply accept the genes of the male providing the necessities of life but would read romantic novels to help imagine having sex with a more attractive and ideal partner.
This R-brain approach to sex is not exclusive to females. Males can also learn to develop a similar R-brain approach by relaxing and not having to deal with survival-based issues in life (eg. mortgages, jobs, food, shelter, predators, wars etc). When there is more time to think about long-term issues, males tend to listen and think. Soon men become more attentive to the needs of females. The males will also think long-term by being more cooperative, helping others to survive, and apply simple and effective contraceptive techniques (eg. facesitting) where woman can enjoy the experience of sex.
If enough males develop sufficient R-brain skills in everything they do, a sexual revolution would take place in society where females become the ones to approach first and compete for single male partners (ie. become more L-brain).
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How R-brain people approach the issue of sex with someone else
L-brain and more balanced-thinking types may apply the L-brain first to the issue of sex, but sex for genuinely R-brain people actually starts in the mind (ie. in the frontal cortex before the information sweeps back to the rest of the brain) together with past experiences, not in the eyes (ie. visual cortex first followed by immediate muscle action). It is the area of creative exploration for R-brain types before it is ever applied in the real world. As Aveline Rubinshteyn, a female project worker for Sex Worker Outreach Project in Sydney, said:
'If your approach to great sex starts in the mind then it leaves it open to all sorts of areas of exploration.' (Taffel 2004, p.5)
It is here in the mind where a R-brain person begins to develop characteristics of the ideal sexual partner.
When a R-brain person does "finally" find the right person in the real world with sufficiently similar characteristics to that of the ideal partner in his/her mind, the R-brain person will usually observe at a distance while he/she contemplates the thought of how to approach the issue of sex with this person, and/or what it would be like to be with the other person when having sex with him/her.
The R-brain person, while working out these intimate issues in the mind, may also follow the person of interest to his/her home and/or place of employment, watching him/her to see what the person does, with whom the person associates with, and so on. Although this may be seen as a form of stalking, the behaviour is actually quite normal and healthy for R-brain people and should not be seen in a negative way.
When a R-brain person does finally decide to become sexually-committed to someone in the real world, it is rare for the R-brain person to approach the other person in a direct sense unless he/she has to. Thus R-brain people may be seen by L-brain types as somewhat timid or shy (ie. the quiet types). Or if a R-brain person does approach someone, he/she will usually do so by making indirect hints or suggestions of their interest without necessarily talking to someone.
To give an example, you may discover how a R-brain person may make herself regularly and suddenly "available" to the other person especially around needy times, wear more revealing and sexy clothing (especially if the R-brain type wants to attract the more L-brain type), tend to gaze her eyes on the person for long periods of times at a distance and then perhaps look away if the other person happens to look in her direction, or perhaps even "accidently" brush past the person using some intimate part of her body such as the breasts, and/or regularly help the person indirectly or directly in other areas of his life.
Or at other times, a R-brain person may try to get some of her friends to act as a go-between to learn more about the person of interest. In this way, it may be possible to help the R-brain types to work out how to approach their preferred sexual partner.
Although a R-brain person does not stop another person from approaching him/her, he/she usually prefer to wait for this to happen. When it happens, the R-brain person will usually appear a little nervous, may touch his/her hair, and perhaps even look away while trying to maintain interest and conversation with the other person.
Because of this somewhat shy and reserved behaviour shown by R-brain types, it is not uncommon for genuine R-brain people to regularly touch or give a hug to that someone special in the real world. This may especially occur if the other person approaches the R-brain person and express the same interests.
However, if the chosen sexual partner does not approach a R-brain person after a while, it is likely the R-brain person will almost certainly find the courage to communicate his/her need, usually without words, or ask their friends to encourage the other person to approach and talk with the R-brain person.
In rare circumstances, it is possible for some R-brain people to apply their imagination to such an extent that they learn to believe they are with the person they love in their minds until eventually they become totally devoted to, and almost obsessed with, the person both sexually and non-sexually even if the person at the centre of the R-brain person's affection ends up marrying someone else. But R-brain types are not always L-brain equipped to act upon what they think on the other person in an immediate sense. This is perhaps their greatest weakness.
Hence they are most likely to keep their distance, be very patient, and perhaps wait for the opportunity (or find the confidence) when the R-brain person can get physically involved with the other person.
When it comes to having sex with young people, R-brain people neither impose their sexual needs on others, nor do they expect to have sex with a "young person". In fact, the strong visualisation skills help R-brain people to imagine sex for all of their lives without necessarily experiencing it if they so wish. Or, if R-brain people do choose to experience sex with someone else, they can use their imagination to see beyond the person they are with. This ensures they will always be sexually-satisfied from the experience. In other words, issues of appearance such as being young and attractive do not have to play an important role for R-brain people when having sex.
Also R-brain people will take appropriate action to ensure certain consequences are not experienced if required (eg. making babies) because of their extensive thinking skills.
Because of this knowledge and understanding of the consequences of sex acquired through visualisation and thinking, there is no need to establish laws in a R-brain society setting the age limit for young people to have consentual sex. Thus it is not unusual for young people in a R-brain society to know when they are ready to have sex without worrying about their age or face social pressures from L-brain types. When they are ready, they will go ahead and experience sex with someone perhaps of the same age, or more often than not with someone much older than themselves as this helps them to learn sex in a responsible way and to use that knowledge and experience of sex as a tool for effective learning and greater human development rather than worry about making babies.
Among responsible R-brain types, age is considered no barrier to experiencing this intimate moment. And with no social pressure, young R-brain types can decide when to experience the moment.
This kind of R-brain thinking is not unusual among sexually-liberated and free-thinking women. For example, Jenna Jameson, the world's most popular adult film entertainer, said:
'[Working in the porn industry is] one of the few jobs for women where you can get to a certain level, look around, and feel so powerful, not just in the work environment but as a sexual being.' (Levy, Ariel. The Sydney Morning Herald: Object lessons. 8-9 October 2005, p.7.)
Ms Jameson has managed to achieve this level of understanding about sex by complementing her L-brain skills with a strong R-brain skill base needed for her to break certain barriers and supposed taboos in this field, such as taking off her clothes in front of a camera as well as visualising and understanding how men react, their interests, how they conduct themselves in sexual activity and so on.
But we also see how she is still primarily and foremost a L-brain person when we learn part of the reason for her involvement in in the sex industry when Ms Jameson adds:
'Sexuality became a tool. I realised it could serve any purpose I needed. It was a weapon I could exploit mercilessly.' (Levy, Ariel. The Sydney Morning Herald: Object lessons. 8-9 October 2005, p.7.)
Ms Jameson appears to use sex as a tool to achieve anything she likes, which by the very nature of today's L-brain society, is probably to make her money and, at certain times when there is probably a condom or done early enough, achieve her own orgasms without worrying about the person who she is having sex with.
R-brain types, however, tend to have broader and more altruistic goals for engaging in sexual activity which goes beyond the mere need to make lots of money or fulfil one's own desire for sexual gratification. We see this in Eastern mysticism where sex is understood and practiced to the point where such strong R-brain skills can be acquired, such as the Tantra. Maria Martins of Tantrananda School of Tantra, has an example of this Eastern religious approach:
'Tantra has many aims — pleasure, wealth, spiritual inspiration and purpose in life — so it's not only sex. Sexual energy is a power; you can use it. Our aim is to transmute the energy to grow spiritually.
'Trantric sex is very long and very qualitative. You prepare before so you don't aim for orgasm or ejaculation, you meditate on it and then you maintain pleasure for a long time. Tantra's philosophy is that you share the divine attributes through sexuality and other different practices.
'It's not about spontaneity [a L-brain response], it's about control [a R-brain response]. The positions are different, you control your breathing, there are a lot of techniques to control ejaculation. You go beyond the mind. Your sexual energy rises and gives you peace and ecstacy. So you go from the lower level — sex is the lower level of love — to a higher place and then spiritual liberation.
'If people already have great sex, they have more potential to go further, to manifest whatever they want. It's a subtle, healing energy. The pleasure is more refined and intense and there is no guilt because there is spirituality involved.' (Taffel 2004, p.5.)
This is the thing we have to remember. Genuine R-brain people virtually always have a purpose and reason for having sex and it is not just for self-fulfilment. Such altruistic goals are usually not highly apparent or well-developed in naturally L-brain women who later develop a sufficient R-brain skill to break certain barriers. More thinking is required before L-brain women have the skills to describe themselves as truly R-brain and therefore balanced in their approach to sex.
Sex is more than just "a tool to serve any purpose". You have to know what it is you are trying to achieve from sex and it must be something that brings positive benefits to all living things.
Sex isn't entirely about yourself. It is also about the other person or people who you want to bring that experience to and ultimately to society. And if we think far enough, it should affect the rest of life on Earth through a greater concern by all others for the environment and the well being of all things alive in it.
That is how genuine R-brain people see sex.
At any rate, Jameson's intimate knowledge of sex acquired from experience and from thinking about the issue has made it possible for her to become more sexually liberated, understanding of the consequences, and knows very well how to control the situation to at least achieve her own personal goals.
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The moment just before having sex
The clothes worn by L-brain and R-brain types
The purpose of clothes worn by people who are about to engage in sex is to attract and evoke a certain sexual response in their sexual partner either immediately or in a delayed fashion. Hence certain types of clothing will have different sexual responses depending on whether people are more L-brain or R-brain in their thinking.
For example, the most common way for a woman to attract a L-brain man is to wear as few, somewhat "revealing" garments as possible to allow the man to see more of the woman and her needs. But not to go completely naked or else the woman will have trouble preparing herself if the man immediate acts on what he sees.
Thus it would not be unusual for a woman attracting a L-brain man to choose a mini-skirt to help show off her legs and accentuate her buttocks, high-heel shoes to make her legs look longer, and a top that barely covers her breasts.
If, in the rare circumstance, this is not quite enough to attract the L-brain man, a woman will deliberately (or pretending to accidently) lift her dress higher to allow the L-brain man to see more of her legs and possibly her lacy underwear (if any) in order to excite him some more. Fortunately this is not necessary for most L-brain men. In fact, usually the downside to wearing very little clothing to a L-brain man is that the sexual response can be very quick. Perhaps too quick. In which case a woman may need to wear extra clothing to help slow down the process.
If the woman, on the other hand, is described more as a L-brain person and can readily prepare herself for sex quickly enough, it may not be necessary to wear clothes at all for sex to take place with a L-brain man. If clothes are worn, then just prior to having sex with a L-brain man, the lingerie worn by a woman is usually very small and/or almost see-through material as this helps to initiate an immediate sexual response in the L-brain man. Although it is not impossible for a L-brain man to be stimulated by more solid and larger lingerie or other clothing that covers more of the woman's body, it usually helps the L-brain woman who wants to sexually attract a L-brain man to use her clothing to accentuate certain parts of her body. Thus if the lingerie can lift the woman's breasts and make them look larger and with a cleavage and/or emphasise her wide hips, long legs and shape of her buttocks, this is usually enough to help a L-brain man become sufficiently interested in having sex with her.
To attract a R-brain man to have sex, the woman does not necessarily have to reveal her naked body or her lingerie underneath her clothes to the man in order to sexually excite him. Even a simple long dress covering much of her body would be enough to reveal she is a woman (ie. the clearly defined mounds of her breasts, the natural "female" shape of her buttocks, her long hair and natural smile) is usually more than enough to get the attention of a R-brain man who may be genuinely interested in experiencing sex. Otherwise if the R-brain man is not yet ready to experience sex in the real world for himself, just being there for him, showing simple signs of affection without necessarily going for immediate sexual intercourse, and possibly helping him to achieve certain "non-sexual" goals important in his life is usually more than enough before the man visualises, and eventually experiences, sex with the woman.
The same is true in the reverse gender situation. In other words, to attract a L-brain woman, a man will have a better chance of revealing more of his firm and muscular body and accentuate those specific areas that would naturally attract the attention of the L-brain woman. Thus he might exercise in a gym to help the woman see his muscles working. Or he will usually wear a tight T-shirt to emphasise his naturally strong pecks and arms, and/or walk along a beach wearing just his speedos or other single piece swim suit so he can reveal more of his assets between his legs. Or, he might just act more natural and wear a simple skintight and/or smooth pair of trousers to accentuate the "male" shape of his buttocks and his strong muscular legs. Just prior to having sex with a L-brain woman, he will normally wear a simple g-string that barely covers his penis as this gives the woman something to look at as she prepares herself for sex.
To attract a R-brain woman, it is often better for a man to act natural as if he is not interested in having sex with her. This means wearing simple, but not too revealing clothes that look consistently good to the woman's eyes and yet practical enough not to reveal anything "too sexual". He will do natural (ie. non-sexual) things so she can see what he is up to, and/or help the woman out in her other non-sexual pursuits in her life (eg. doing the cooking for her, going out with her and having some fun in the games parlour or at the cinemas, have a relaxing conversation with her during dinner, drive her to where she needs to be etc).
It should be noted that a genuine R-brain woman is usually not afraid of a man who can do these things for her so long as it does not mean the man must have immediate sex with her. In fact, it would not be unusual for a R-brain woman to accept the man's offering of help with a kiss or a hug or to ask him out on a date from time-to-time as her way of saying "Thanks", so long as there is no immediate expectation of sex. In other words, the act of helping her out should not have "strings" attached to it. The love should be unconditional and need not have to be of a purely sexual nature.
It is important for such a man not to overdo it with his clothing when attracting a R-brain woman. For example, a man should not try to take off all his clothes to this type of woman the first time he sees her. Why? Because a R-brain woman is more than equipped to visualise the man reasonably accurately underneath his clothes and in other areas of his life. So there is no real need to make it obvious to the woman what assets the man physically has underneath his clothes.
But if the man should continue to emphasise his naked body and eventually highlight his assets between his legs more than his own character and genuine desire to help her out in other areas, then it is likely to be a turn off for her or at least make her worried that the man is only interested in having immediate sex with her.
It is far better for a man attracting a R-brain woman to make her feel comfortable with the idea of being with the man while she achieves her non-sexual pursuits. Later, the man may introduce a simple kiss, do some touching on her arms, face and/or hair, and even give her a hug on occasions. And this may be all that is needed to entice the R-brain woman to relax and perhaps visualise sex. Then she will be ready to experience sex in a direct sense (ie. the penis inserted in her vagina) or at least let the man know how she would like to have her sexual needs met without actually having to experience penetration of her vagina with the man's penis if this is what she needs.
Or she may allow the man to quite freely and regularly engage in direct sexual penetration with her. It all depends on the circumstances - that is, how accurately she has visualised sex to be, how considerate the man is during sex, and how her body copes with sex in the real world.
Understanding the power of clothing in L- and R-brain human sexual behaviour through pictures
Source: http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/200.htm
If you want to attract R-brain types, just be yourself unless you want to make it absolutely clear what you want from the R-brain types. R-brain types are usually quite happy to see you looking like the one above as they can easily use their imagination to see what they want to see in you.
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Source: http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/210.htm
If you want to attract L-brain types, wearing less clothing will be effective. Or alternatively, because many L-brain types are more likely to engage themselves in conflicts with other L-brain types, images of a person wearing a kinky military uniform and/or having the appearance of an aggressive-looking girl like this one usually attracts the more L-brain types.
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Source: http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/140.htm (left)
http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/119.htm (right)
Showing more or less clothing on your body will have roughly the same effect on R-brain types depending on the level of interest they have in you. So it won't always make much difference what you wear to attract the R-brain types. However, L-brain types are usually more attracted to the person who wears less clothing (ie. left picture) unless the material can accentuate certain parts of the body such as the cleavage between the breasts (ie. right picture) if the breasts are the fundamental things to attract L-brain types to sex.
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Source: http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/135.htm
One-piece swimsuits can also attract L-brain types if they can accentuate certain parts of the body (in particular the thighs, the cleavage between the breasts, the thin waist and wide hips and so on). But if women (or men) want a very specific sexual response from L-brain types, less material may be required.
Also if you lie down on the ground instead of standing up, this will usually have a greater sexual response with L-brain types.
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Source: http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/091.htm (left)
http://www.sarahjane.com.au/
images/Gallery/154.htm (right)
Or to emphasise both the breasts and buttocks at the same time and so help increase the chances of attracting someone else who relies on sight to be sexually stimulated, use the mirror effect (ie. right picture), or allow the body to sit in this position at a roughly 45 degree angle (ie. left picture). The aim is to allow someone else to see as much of the body as possible and therefore have a better chance of increasing his/her sexual interest.
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Just before sexual intercourse takes place
Prior to having sex with a L-brain man, a woman (depending on how L- or R-brain she is) will usually have to prepare herself first without the presence of the man or without the man seeing what she is doing. Thus the woman will often say she will need to go to the bathroom to make herself feel comfortable. Or she will get into bed first and ask the L-brain man to take off his clothes slowly as she prepares herself underneath the bed sheets. If she is more a L-brain type, this preparation process may be less important as it may take very little effort to get her ready for sex. A kiss or two, a touch of her nipples with the tongue, and a stroke of her pubic hair with the fingers may be enough for the L-brain woman to be ready.
When a woman makes herself feel comfortable and "prepared", especially for R-brain types, what we mean is not just a change in clothing (or even to take a huge headache tablet!), but also, in the case of having sex with a L-brain man, to prepare her vagina for sex by touching herself (ie. masturbate) just before revealing herself to the L-brain man. This is important because a L-brain man, as soon as he sees her naked, will almost immediate engage in sexual intercourse.
Inexperienced L-brain woman wanting to have sex with a R-brain man may go through a similar preparation process or go straight into sex until she learns to allow the R-brain man to help her prepare for sex (ie. slow her down), or for the woman to prepare the man (eg. licking his penis to arouse and provide extra lubrication) before initiating the moment of actual sex intercourse.
This is an important fact. Women who are about to have sex with R-brain men usually do not need to "prepare" themselves on their own. A R-brain man will more than adequately help her prepare for the moment by doing such simple things as kissing her, giving her regular hugs, and licking her clitoris if this is what she needs.
If a R-brain man is about to have sex with a L-brain woman, it often helps if the woman can relax and hold back her need to feel the man's penis in her vagina and reach an orgasm as quickly as possible. In this way, the R-brain man can prepare himself by touching her body (such as feeling her breasts and sometimes resting his penis in the crack of her asscheeks from behind) or for the woman to touch him in other ways as she likes without necessarily going straight for sexual intercourse as this gives the R-brain man time to prepare.
In L-brain woman/R-brain man situations, facesitting is a very common activity prior to engaging in full intercourse.
The reverse is also true for a R-brain woman having sex with a L-brain man. It is important for a L-brain man to slow down his own experience of sex to help the R-brain woman be properly prepared for sex and thus have a better chance of being completely satisfied from the experience. In some circumstances, setting up the scene in an imaginative way can be a turn on for R-brain women. For example, dressing up as the pizza delivery boy even though the delivery is definitely not pizza may end up being more exciting for a R-brain woman to participate and may likely hasten the moment of sex.
What happens if sex is performed by opposite-thinking (ie. L- and R-brain) types and the same-thinking (L-to-L or R-to-R-brain) types over time?
If sex is performed by opposite-thinking types on a regular basis (ie. L-brain with R-brain), there is a tendency for people to balance the extremes in L-brain and R-brain sexual behaviour, so long as the couples are prepared to learn during the sexual experience.
If, however, the sexual experience occurs among people of the same-thinking types, it tends to amplify the type of sex that occurs from a purely R-brain or L-brain perspective. For example, it is not unusual for L-brain couples to perform increasingly quicker and more spontaneous sex, often in one main sexual position. The position is usually the missionary position (the best way for both couples to see each other as they experience sex). Similarly, it would not be unusual for R-brain couples to consistently have slow and increasingly prolonged sexual intercourse (possibly lasting two or three hours) and to try as many different sexual positions as possible and can do it all with or without lights (so there is no need to always see each other when having sex just to satisfy their needs).
Some sex therapists describe this form of sex among same-thinking types as running to their own "sexual scripts". As General Practitioner and sex therapist for the Sydney Centre for Sexual and Relationship Therapy Martyn Baker said:
'Sex for most people is an opportunity to share intimacy with someone and have fund doing it. If you place goals and criteria on sex that requires it to be a high-octane [ie. L-brain] experience, I think people [especially the R-brain types] can wind up thinking, "That was disappointing" or "That wasn't great sex".
'Everybody has a sexual script. Over the course of your own personal experiences you find what works for you. Probably the best sexual relationship you can have is with someone whose sexual script and yours are very compatible.
'Often you find out intuitively rather than through good sexual communication. Most people just do it by rote and do it again next time and before they know it they've developed a sex life.
'[But] I think for most couples in relationships great sex is achieved by communicating better.' (Taffel 2004, p.5)
Yes, communication is the key to understanding how L-brain or R-brain our thinking and action is likely to be when performing sex. And if we learn from each other and explore new ideas, we can balance our thinking and action if we so choose.
Remember, sex from a purely L-brain or R-brain perspective is neither right nor wrong. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. In fact, it is not unusual for a L-brain couple to be happily performing sex in a very specific and L-brain kind of way for the rest of their lives (eg. by following a formula or script). Similarly, a R-brain couple can be happy for all their lives performing sex in a totally R-brain and creative kind of way by exploring different options etc.
It seems the only advantage in balancing sexual behaviour is to give your sexual partner and yourself the skills to be properly and consistently satisfied when the situation is different and you wish to achieve different goals from the sexual experience. In other words, the act of balancing one's own sexual behaviour over time, if done properly, will result in sex being much more closely attuned to the sexual needs of the other person irrespective of time and place.
Thus "balanced" sex can be either very quick or very slow, lots of preparation for sex or none at all and so on, depending on the circumstances and what the sexual needs of those engaged in sex are at any given time. And by being balanced, you can always achieve the sexual satisfaction you long for from the experience.
But if you find one way that is totally satisfying to you and you don't want to try other ways, that's fine too. You have searched and found a way that satisfies your needs. Communicate this with your partner so that he/she can fulfil those needs everytime.
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To talk or not to talk?
Just before there is a lot of shedding of clothing in anticipation for sex or perhaps just prior to actually having sex, L-brain people will love to talk a lot. They will talk about their own feelings about sex and how they observe the person of sexual interest to them. The conversation may also include how they will have sex and what the L-brain person would love to do to the other person or what the L-brain person would love to experience from the other person during this intimate moment. Or L-brain people may ask their partner what they are thinking after having sex (perhaps looking for a reassuring word that she is still attractive and will stay with her). In rare circumstances where L-brain people do not need words, spontaneous sex usually occurs and can be very quick and physically demanding.
For R-brain people, talking is not always necessary or a prerequisite for sex. Simply being there for a R-brain person and perhaps touching his/her hands and face is usually more important for the person than anything else. This touching can involve a long period of kissing. Later, as R-brain people feel increasingly more confident and relaxed with their sexual partner, do they allow for the other person to touch their intimate areas. When the act of having sex in the physical sense does finally arrive, it is usually prolonged and extremely emotional.
During sex
The consequences of sex
Sex with a L-brain person is usually spontaneous and quick. This means there is little time to think about the consequences of sex other than to reach an orgasm as quickly as possible. This is particularly true of young and/or sexually inexperienced L-brain types. Unplanned pregnancies are, therefore, quite common among this group of people.
Genuine R-brain people, on the other hand, do understand the importance of sex and all its consequences. In fact, R-brain people have gone to such considerable lengths to understand the issue so deeply that the understanding of sex often goes well beyond mere procreation purposes or simply meeting ones own sexual needs. Also R-brain people are often not so spontaneous during sex. In fact, they usually take the time to prepare for and experience sex, and this extra time is what helps a R-brain person to reach the point where certain consequences of sex need not have to be experienced if not required.
So we should not be surprised if making babies is not the priority for R-brain people when having sex with someone. Also, R-brain people are usually considerate enough to protect themselves and/or their partner (especially when sex is with L-brain types) to ensure the pleasures and long-term emotional benefits of sex are the only things needed to be experienced. (5)
This indepth understanding shown by genuine R-brain people towards the experience is based on the belief that sex is a means of achieving certain goals in life. When they are ready to experience sex, R-brain people know whether the goal of sex is to procreate or simply as a means of pleasuring someone and helping them to emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually develop as a human being. Therefore, R-brain people will take appropriate action to ensure the goals are met.
When R-brain people are ready to experience sex, they usually have no need for words to express their own sexual desires. Instead, they usually make it clear of their intentions through their body language either in a subtle way at a distance (eg. looking, dancing and touching themselves), or in a more direct means at very close range (eg. kissing and caressing another person).
But the critical thing for R-brain people is the fact that they go to great lengths to think about things and prepare themselves before the moment comes to ensure sex is sufficiently well-planned (yet remains somewhat different or creative when the sex actually takes place), emotionally intense, and properly understood as an instrument that goes beyond merely making babies.
The speed of sex
During sex, L-brain people are more likely to be quick and direct. This is mainly because L-brain sex is more about meeting one's own needs (ie. the climax) without worrying about the other person. It is more an individualistic concept when it comes to L-brain sex.
Men often think this way, especially at a young and inexperienced age (or those who don't experience sex regularly), are more likely to commence sex quickly (ie. as soon as he has an erection, he is extremely eager to insert his penis into his partner's vagina) and engage in rapid-fire sexual intercourse (sometimes looking at a distance more like the couple are fighting each other rather than making love) from beginning to end over a short period of time (usually lasting between 30 seconds and 10 minutes, more commonly the former).
On the other hand, R-brain people are more likely to take considerable amounts of time having sex as well as ensuring their partner's needs are fully met and are happy before fulfilling their own needs. It is more a socialistic concept when it comes to R-brain sex.
NOTE 1: The speed of sex for L-brain people with the same partner often slows down over time as the L-brain types gain experience of what it feels to have that particular type of penis and vagina for sex and learn from the experience of how to control and slow things down and explore different ways of having sex. And it isn't entirely because the couples are getting too old for quick and energetic sex. Rather there is a likelihood of L-brain behaviours becoming more balanced or may experience the more R-brain world of human behaviour as people learn through sex a different way of doing things. Once balance is achieved, people can often achieve what is known as spiritual sex.
NOTE 2: L-brain men who don't get experience from or insufficient opportunities to try creative sex with women are more likely to develop strong L-brain behaviours. If the behaviours are extreme will, in some cases, lead to acts of groping with women in public places to more serious cases of rape. In the worse case scenario, strongly L-brain men could resort to violence as a way of getting what they need or want through a change in their environment. Examples of this can be found in most Western nations relying heavily on L-brain skills including Japan. In fact, in this country, it is not unusual to find bars for Japanese men where the only women allowed are young waiters wearing nothing from the waist down so that men can observe and sometimes ask the waiters to give them a "closer look" and "touch" from certain angles. It is also not unusual for strongly L-brain women to follow a similar trend. Although it is extremely rare for women to use violence against men to obtain sex, the usual method would be as we see in places like Texas, USA, where L-brain female executives with little time for socialising will join an exclusive club for women and the only men allowed are those chosen and able to provide intimate services for the women (either in groups or one-on-one situations in private rooms).
Does size matter?
There is a tendency for L-brain people to believe that more is better. This is translated into sex as having a preference for those sexual partners possessing a larger and/or longer penis (or instead using a hand to perform the act of "fisting" if things get really desperate) as far as certain L-brain women's needs are concerned, or having excessively bigger breasts, unusually large nipples and areolas, larger thighs (but preferably with a thin waist because it gives the impression to L-brain people that a girl with a thin waist is probably a virgin or at least hasn't produced a baby in the past with someone else) and so on when it comes to satisfying the sexual needs of L-brain men. They feel this issue of just size in the here-and-now moment is what makes for great sex.
## SPECIAL UPDATE ##
May 2004
This overemphasis in extreme size in genitalia or other things when it comes to sex is particularly common among men. For example, it is rare to find nowadays male underwear sold in sizes of "very small", "small", "medium", to "large". Instead men prefer to find underwear that fits the range from "Large", "Extra Large (XL)", "Extra Extra Large (XXL)", "Ludicrously Large" and so on. In that way, the men's egos are boosted when they know they can buy the XL or XXL sizes for their underwear. The same is true of L-brain women except the underwear would normally be described as "medium", "small", "very small", "almost microscopic" and so on. Why? Because these women are usually self-conscious of their appearance and want to be seen as thin and/or small in size. In this way, they can give the impression to the opposite sex that they are still attractive and potentially a virgin and therefore capable of having sex at the right time.
Many pornographic magazines and internet sites of "westernised" countries (ie. so-called developed, or overly-developed as the case may be, nations such as Germany, USA, Australia and other L-brain dominant societies) have an extraordinary obsession for extreme size in genitalia and other erotic parts of the body (or will choose women who are small enough in height and thinness but having big breasts so they can look to have bigger than normal sexual features as well as make the men look larger than usual when they are performing sex with the women).
Women are chosen to have almost abnormally large breasts, large buttocks, and even a large vagina (as indicated by some gruesome pictures of a person's hand or arm being inserted inside a woman's vagina, or more rarely a watermelon is used instead, or special suction cups are used). As for the men, they are chosen either because they have a genetic abnormality that makes for an overly large penis, or they use those vacuum pumps to make their penis look unnaturally larger than normal. Whatever the case, L-brain people seem to have a fascination for watching someone having sex with a "tree trunk" for a penis so to speak as if this is how things should be when in reality most people are not built like that. (6)
In truth R-brain people don't expect men to be hung like a donkey between the legs or women to have breasts the size of two pillows for resting your head on just to enjoy sex. People need to get real for a moment. Kissing, touching (eg. a gentle rhythmic pressure on the clitoris using the fingers, tongue or nose and/or moving a wet tongue over the folds of the vagina and occasionally teasing inside), some communication, looking into each other's eyes and other natural human behaviour is considered more important to this group of people. Why? Becomes it reveals a greater sense of love in their minds.
And anyway, what turns R-brain people on is the ability to touch someone else in the right way to help trigger the right picture in the mind and with it the right sexual response.
This is why women, generally considered to be more R-brain in their thinking, are happy to reach orgasms through simple oral stimulation of the clitoris while visualising sex rather than being overwhelmed by a massive penis penetrating a vagina.
Hence it is not unusual for R-brain women to enjoy more facesitting or other forms of oral sex.
Even if sexual intercourse does occur with R-brain people where penetration is performed with a man's penis, size is still not seen as the most important issue for R-brain types. Rather it is how you use those assets and the rest of the body to bring pleasure which is more important. And anyway, if a R-brain person really wanted to experience the "fullness sensation" of having a large penis at a crucial time, all the person has to do is use her vagina to stimulate the man's penis until it reaches a certain size and then by squeezing the base of the penis through the tight ring of a woman's vagina, a R-brain person can maintain a satisfactory size for long periods of time (ie. using the natural vacuum effect).
To R-brain people, it really doesn't matter if you are built like a "tree trunk" or have a normal penis. It is what you can do with it and the rest of the body and mind to achieve pleasure for someone else which is considered the important thing.
NOTE: There is a new push to combine some elements of an imaginative storyline together with graphic images of full-on sex lasting more than 5 minutes to satisfy both L- and R-brain types.
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For R-brain people, the reverse tends to be true. In other words, they believe less is more. This means that R-brain people do not necessarily emphasise the importance of an exceptionally large and/or long penis, or having extremely large breasts or an extraordinarily big vagina during sex. Rather it is what you do before sex, how you use your body and mind during sex to achieve certain goals for everyone concerned, what happens after sex, and how sex is actually implemented to increase the positive benefits of learning in human development over the long-term which is considered far more important to R-brain types.
Should adult material depicting sex scenes be classified under certain categories (ie. R, X, XX, XXX etc)?
In a R-brain society, classifications for adult material is considered unnecessary and even a waste of time. If R-brain people wanted to see sex in any situation, they can do so using their imagination to evoke any level of sexual response in themselves. Even if a sex scene in a video or magazine may be classified as R-rated in a L-brain society because of the kind of sexual response it would evoke in L-brain people watching this material (ie. probably an erection in the pants, hardened nipples showing through a dress, a wet patch between the legs etc), any R-brain person can see through it all with his/her mind. Hence the R-brain person can choose to see the sex scene as X-rated. Or, if a R-brain person is not thinking about sex but just two people hugging each other, the original material could be classified as Adults Only (AO), Mature Audience (MA), or even General (G).
Classifications are only useful for L-brain people who need to know precisely what they are going to see in certain adult material before actually seeing it because of the level of immediate emotional and sexual response in L-brain people. Because the last thing we want is to embaress L-brain people in social situations if they get caught having a "hard on" by someone else, now would you?
Seriously, the classification is purely to help prepare L-brain people for the expected behavioural response to watching two people hugging each other. If it doesn't cause any blood rush to certain intimate parts of the body, then two people hugging each other may be automatically classified by L-brain people as MA, AO or possibly G. But if the scene causes erections and so on (possibly because of the positions and/or motions of the couples and possibly the likelihood of seeing graphic details of a penis penetrating a vagina, this will evoke a different and more intimate sexual response in L-brain people and as such the material will have to be classified for L-brain types as R, X, XX or XXX depending on the level of detail shown.
Generally the more a society requires classifications to be imposed on films to help restrict its viewing or access to the public, the more likely society will be described as L-brain. Where the society is more sexually-liberated and free to show such material to the public, the more R-brain the society is likely to be.
NOTE: People who currently do the work of classifying films and other information are usually of the older L-brain types. Thus do not be surprised if you find these people raising concerns for the most trivial matters like a mother breastfeeding her baby (7) in a television commercial or in public, or to reduce or even eliminate the number of lingerie catalogues in the mailboxes of people's homes, or the number of seconds permitted on television advertisements to show women or men wearing "sexy" underwear or bras. Most older L-brain types prefer not to look at sex at all or anything that might be associated with sex in public places and perhaps even at home unless it is absolutely required (eg. to procreate), and only then would they try every excuse in the book to put an X rating on it or avoid having to look at it by saying things like "I've got a headache!" or "I really like to solve this crossword puzzle" if they can.
If this is the concern, why not restrict violent films in a similar manner? As Western nations currently have it, the worse kinds of horror films are not likely to get a rating higher than MA15+. And war movies with pure blood and gore can attract the same rating (ie. young teenagers and possibly children can still sneak in and watch). Yet a single and highly relevant sex scene in a story (and certainly not one to take up the entire film's duration) say held in a darkened hotel room and therefore not able to show any graphic details except to vaguely see two or three people heaving back and forth into each other as they perform apparent sex (more likely to be simulated sex) or just simply showing the love of two people for each other can still attract an R rating or higher? And if you do actually see a clear shot of naked breasts and perhaps the rest of the bodies under bright lights in action, it would receive an X rating or higher!
If we were to follow this logic, then surely a shot in the dark leading to the death of a character in a movie showing at most a body lying on a ground should attract an R rating. Any more gruesome details of the dead body up close, possibly dismembered or head blown off (eg. the science fiction film from the US called Starship Troopers), should receive the equivalent of an X or XXX rating.
So why the discrepancy in classifications?
As journalist Alexa Moses said:
'How is it that characters having sex, which is so often about love, pleasure and intimacy, make us so willing to toss R and X ratings about, while we tolerate characters maiming, torturing and decapitating each other as a normal part of mass entertainment?' (Moses, Alexa. Plot's lost when horror wins out: The Sydney Morning Herald. 16-17 July 2005, p.35.)
If anything, people should see less violence and more love on the screen to reverse the trend of more and more young male "L-brain" people becoming violent because of video games, movies and the news. If a choice should be made, sex should be emphasised more than violence, especially of the R-brain form as this brings greater positive benefits to society rather than images of people getting killed.
## SPECIAL UPDATE ##
2005
Just to show how L-brain people can get when it comes to sex, the publication and release of the first Playboy magazine in Indonesia has caused social turmoil among older L-brain men. Consequently law enforcement officers had to interrogate and frighten a young woman named Kartika Gunawan after posing tastefully in the magazine. Well, let's put it this way: she is definitely not trying to push aside her garments or lingerie and finger herself. She looks nothing more than a woman in nice makeup wearing lingerie that clearly covers all the essential areas (it should not pose any sexual response in L-brain types when observed unless they are specifically thinking about sex, in which case use the imagination to see it differently). Yet we get the impression some L-brain people in Indonesia don't have the imagination to see Ms Gunawan as a pretty women wearing simple clothing and hence see the art of the picture. Why should Indonesian people get upset? Or are they not thinking as they should? To be upset is basically saying you can see images of sex and the rest of the body (eg. nipples and a vagina) when clearly this is not displayed in the photographs.
And most importantly, Ms Gunawan has chosen on her own accord to pose for the magazine. No pressure whatsoever on her part to do anything she does not want to do.
If there is enough R-brain development in certain societies in the world, no picture of this sort should ever cause offense to anyone. It should be seen as a form of art.
And even if there are magazines in the world that show more intimate details, so what? Either the people who are revealing themselves are in need of love or are happy to show their love to the world. Those who watch are either in need of love themselves or are happy to celebrate and admire those who are loved. For those who are concerned about these pictures creating social problems, what about the killing and violence that takes place on the streets? The latter is of a higher concern than people having sex or showing their naked bodies to the world.
If images of sex is such a big deal to certain L-brain types, it is probably because the people concerned do not love everyone else as they should and have created their own relationship problems and ultimately affected society in ways that is leading to world problems. Or they have not developed a sufficient R-brain approach to life. Instead they continue to apply their L-brain behaviours to segregate and treat people differently instead of showing equality and love to everyone.
Because of the L-brain restriction on sex, it is not surprising to find males (and some females too) secretly and quietly watching sexually revealing pictures and videos especially if the poor treatment continues until we all learn to see each other as emotional human beings in need of love and need the affirmation that love exists through the images they see of others in magazines or elsewhere.
Then, through love, we learn to balance ourselves.
## SPECIAL UPDATE ##
26-27 May 2007
Adele Horin reported in The Sydney Morning Herald how cyber porn is believed to be causing relationship breakdowns and in some cases divorce. In one quote, research fellow in gender studies at La Trobe University named Michael Flood said:
'This is not about couples going to the porn store to spice up their sex lives. Men in growing numbers are using porn in ways that are secret, shameful and damaging. It is having a damaging impact on intimacy and sexuality.' (Horin, Adele. How cyber porn is wrecking relationships: The Sydney Morning Herald. 26-27 May 2007, p.25 (pp.25-26.).)
Flood wrote a report in 2003 explaining his findings, titled Youth and Pornography.
This may well be true. The ones who are most likely to experience these relationship breakdowns are those described as L-brain types. You see, as we grow older, other L-brain people may not see you as physically attractive. You feel alone and soon you long for that love and affection you had when you were younger.
Also the L-brain has a way of making comparisons in how you and your partner looks compared to other people. That's the greatest weakness of the L-brain. The L-brain will see these differences and remember them. And the differences may not be interpreted as something to stimulate the sexual behaviours of L-brain types with their own partners.
For R-brain types, this is not an issue. Sex can be performed at any age with anyone and how we look does not come into the equation. Yet for the L-brain types, how we look is considered more critical to determining how sexually satisfied we are.
And how is this solved?
Naturally for L-brain men (and probably some women too), they will use internet pornography as a tool to help them find the love they are missing, or to get new ideas of how to stimulate the mind to visualise sex instead of relying on the eyes for sex.
Where the problem lies is when internet pornography is used to find another "secret" partner without telling one's own partner about it.
There is nothing wrong with pornography if there is communication with your partner about it and you are both willing to learn and seek new ways to improve the sex life from it.
For example, you may learn from pornography how a woman in a relationship may introduce a younger woman to her partner. What the younger woman gets out of it is probably some sex education and experience as well as enjoyment. In other words, a younger woman may see the comfort of an older woman being present to teach the finer points of sex and to show how it is done, what to look for and the signs of when a man is getting close to reaching his orgasm, the forms of contraception available and how it is used and so on. On the other side of the equation, the benefit would naturally be for a man who can more easily create an erection and have sex. And for the older woman, the benefits to her might be to actually experience sex with her partner or to allow the younger woman to give her pleasure while the older man performs sex with the younger woman.
Or it may simply be nothing more than for the older man to see the sights of a younger woman, possibly sitting on his face, while the older woman sits on top of him for sex.
In other L-brain couples, it would not be unusual to see people swap partners with other couples. These are known as swingers. The sight of a different partner has a remarkable way of stimulating the L-brain to perform sex. It is just how the L-brain works.
That's why a female partner can have sex twice with a man (ie. he can come twice) in a spacing of say 30 minutes because all it takes is for the woman to change her lingerie and scenery and a man with his L-brain can suddenly be fooled mentally into thinking he is ready to have sex with what he thinks is another woman.
And in some other cases, L-brain couples may learn it is not necessary to get married. So long as the bond between the parents and their children is strong and will always be there to look after the offsprings, the need for the parents themselves to be tied together by marriage and therefore "forced" to rely on each other for sex is no longer seen as necessary. We can see these cases in those societies described as more R-brain or creative in nature. For example, some environmentally-friendly and generally isolated human societies that also value creativity in art and in their relationships will tend to follow this trend.
Perhaps marriage was created because it was thought to be the morally right things to do in a L-brain society under the eyes of God. Or else the religion promoting marriage would use fear (ie. you will go to hell) and shame on those who don't take up marriage if they intend to have children or even make love outside wedlock. Certainly the benefits of marriage can be seen when people understand how there is a responsibility to look after the children brought into the world. Also, we can't deny how some L-brain women in love may find it difficult to share a man with another woman and need the sanctity of marriage to affirm the love of a man to themselves forever.
The same would be true of a L-brain man.
This is probably why some christian men and women believe it is better not to have sex and children until they are married because of this L-brain issue.
There are also emotional issues to contend with for some L-brain people "in love" with someone. The last thing we want to do is hurt people. And there is the physical responsibility of properly looking after the kids. Understandably, these two factors alone are usually enough for marriage to be seen as a powerful and necessary religious and social ceremony not only to advertise the love of two people to the rest of the world but also to acknowledge a genuine partnership ready to fulfil the aims of working together in achieving certain shared goals including bringing into the world and looking after new human beings.
But if couples are sufficiently R-brain in their thinking and know the long-term consequences and want to achieve positive outcomes, marriage should not be seen as vital when getting the responsibility of a partner to help with rearing children, or to achieve the emotional needs required of each other through sex.
One should be careful in using statistics to show the level of porn viewing by a population (eg. Nielsen/NetRatings NetView suggesting 2.7 million Australians visited an adult website in March 2007 and 4.3 million in the first three months of 2007, not including repeat visits according to the article reported by Adele Horin) and then use the figures to argue whether porn causes relationship breakdowns.
Actually the percentage of relationship breakdowns caused solely by pornography is very small. And an even smaller percentage acknowledge porn viewing is compulsive whether or not the relationship was successful for a time when porn was not discussed. Most viewing of pornography is done by single men, a number of women, couples within and outside marriage, researchers and curious young children reaching the age of sexual maturity in the physical sense.
Where L-brain women express a concern for their partners' apparent "obsession" for watching pornography in secret (possibly because they are not experiencing sex themselves or sex is not of the R-brain type for them), it is remarkable that other L-brain women don't complain about their partners' viewing of pornography when they get sex. So maybe the real issue here is not so much about whether men are looking at porn, but rather whether women are able to get the sex they want from men as often and as intimately as they can? And if not, why? Are women doing enough to be creative in getting the sex they want? And are they understanding of the situation men are going through?
For example, men who resort to drinking alcohol, smoking and taking other drugs could be another indication of a potential relationship breakdown. It is important to communicate the issues out in the open before things get out of hand.
NOTE 1: There is a view by some commentators that people's jobs that look like they are of the creative type (eg. graphic designers) must be creative in bed and therefore any relationship problems must lie with the men. This is not necessarily true. A creative job does not indicate a person will be genuinely R-brain in their thinking. If the relationship of a graphic designer with, say, her partner breaks down, it is usually because the partner is significantly more L-brain in his thinking and has developed an understanding of what makes for an attractive partner in his eyes. Also, the graphic designer may not be sufficiently R-brain enough to find ways to make the sex more interesting, creative and satisfying for herself and her partner. Occupation of a person is no proof of the type of one-side thinking a person will take and hence the likelihood of a relationship succeeding. Other factors must be considered such as age, diet and exercise and how these may affect the behaviour of a person who is likely to be more L-brain dominant in his/her thinking. For genuine R-brain types, these factors are not seen as important. R-brain people are already such good thinkers and understand the consequences of their actions that a healthy diet and exercise are already seen as a natural part of their lives. But when it comes to others, R-brain people don't make it a necessity for others to do the same.
NOTE 2: It is natural and healthy for men to see pornography (no matter how much a L-brain society may frown upon the idea), usually more so than women. The brains of men are naturally designed to observe and further reinforced in society to think in a L-brain way. Thus men are naturally inclined to react and learn from what they see. This is how humans have survived for millions of years when men were given the task of protecting society from attacks by humans and other predators as well as to find food. For R-brain types looking at this situation, they are neither shocked nor surprised by the discovery. They see this as how L-brain types obtain their sex education by observing others and understanding how the female body works. When pornography becomes continuously a focus of men even within a sexual relationship with a L-brain woman who is not into pornography, then understandably it may be necessary to discuss the issue in case it leads to a relationship breakdown.
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Manipulating the partner's body during sex
L-brain people love to manipulate the environment, and this usually translates into a quick desire for a L-brain man to try grabbing hold of a women's breasts with his hands, or for a L-brain women to use her mouth and tongue to create an immediate reaction in the environment (eg. an erection in men).
For R-brain people, manipulating the environment (ie. their partners) in a direct sense is not crucial. Just looking into the eyes of their partner or closing their eyes and holding each others hands as they imagine having sex with each other is usually enough to initiate actual sexual excitement.
Outer appearance
L-brain people are usually concerned about the looks of another person they are having sex with. L-brain people feel this emphasis on good looks is vital for a successful sexual intercourse. It seems L-brain people love to pay homage to good looks, but tend to run away from those who don't have "the looks".
R-brain people tend to have the opposite view. While good looks may help during sex, it is not absolutely vital. A R-brain person will not complain nor deny others from experiencing sex if that is what others want or need. For example, if a woman has significant facial scars or deformities after a car accident, a R-brain man would still accept the woman as she is because she is a human being with the same sexual needs as any other person. What is more important for the R-brain man is the actual person underneath the "package" and to ensure the woman's sexual needs are properly and completely met. This may include facesitting and for the man to close his eyes as the woman gets on top for sex.
Goals
L-brain people usually don't have a major long-term goal to reach for during sex other than to experience an orgasm (ie. the short-term goal). If, especially during marriage, there is a slightly more longer-term goal, it is usually no more than to create babies and perhaps to ensure their partner is happy from the experience.
R-brain people almost always associate sex with not just short-term goals (eg. experiencing pleasure and making sure their partner is happy), but also long-term goals. The goals of sex for R-brain people can be to procreate, but more often than not the long-term goal of sex for R-brain people is actually much more holistic and far-reaching to human development than merely making babies.
To observe or not observe during sex
The ability to observe the act of having sex is actually an important part of a L-brain person's life. This observing is quite common among males because it is easier for a man to observe sex just by looking down to see the actions of his penis as it penetrates a woman's vagina. Hence it reinforces the L-brain skills of men.
For men, who have a naturally greater tendency for being L-brain in their thinking and approach to solving problems, the act of observing the penis and its effect on a woman's vagina, as well as watching other parts of her body (eg. her breasts and her facial reactions) is usually enough to help men reach their orgasms.
However, there are certain L-brain women who do find it important to observe sex as well, especially early in the sexual intercourse as this helps them to relax and eventually achieve an orgasm during the sexual intercourse. Thus a woman may do things like pull her knees back to her ears and have a pillow behind her head so she can observe the man penetrating her vagina. Or, if she is not jealous, watch in great detail the effect of her partner's penis as it penetrates another woman's vagina.
R-brain people, when having sex, may observe the act of sexual intercourse at times. But more often than not will lie back, close their eyes, perhaps turn their heads to one side a little as they visualise and imagine sex as they are actually doing it.
Specific sexual behaviours performed during sex
Because L-brain people are more likely to watch the act of sexual intercourse with their eyes, there are usually certain types of sexual positions these people enjoy the most.
For example, a L-brain women is more likely to get on top of a man, move her body slightly forward, and look between her legs to see the action of the man's penis penetrating her vagina. A L-brain women would also try to lift her knees higher and spread her legs wider than usual while lying on her back on the bed at an angle (with pillows supporting her back), so she can observe the man's penis penetrating her vagina. The L-brain woman may also like to touch the man's penis during sex.
For men, reaching an orgasm while observing sex is quite easy. He merely has to look down and observe the actions of his penis in various different sexual positions while it is penetrating a woman's vagina in order to make him sexually excited and eventually reach orgasm. Also, genuine L-brain men are more likely not to slow down or stop having sex at certain times (unless it is to change sexual positions) to see whether the woman is reaching her own orgasms and is comfortable in doing so. He will usually continue at a pace he is most comfortable with and helps him to maintain his erection while he achieves the goal of an orgasm.
For a R-brain woman, having sex may be as simple as lying on her back horizontally on the bed, not being too concerned about whether she would like to observe what the man is doing. Rather she would be quite happy to close her eyes, move her head to one side, arms above her head and quietly relax and smile for as long as the man requires sex while she feels and imagines the sex experience for herself.
For a R-brain man, his concern during sex is not to go straight into sexual intercourse and achieve immediate orgasm. In fact, this type of man, usually an older L-brain type who has gathered a lot of experience and knowledge about sex or a naturally rare young R-brain man, will normally be happy to spend a lot of time just closing his eyes and allowing the woman to sit on top of him or for him to lie between the woman's legs as he teases her clitoris and gently penetrate the folds around her vagina with his tongue or fingers. A lot of facesitting could also take place where the woman sits on the man's face. A R-brain man will, therefore, not necessarily require to have actual penetration of the woman's vagina using his penis to fulfil a woman's and/or his own sexual needs. However, if a woman asks for the R-brain man to use his penis to pleasure her vagina, he will be happy to do so. But he will continue to listen and feel for the needs of the woman until she wants him to achieve an orgasm inside of her. But until then, R-brain men are able to slow down the experience of sex to ensure the woman is completely satisfied.
Can older L-brain men be more responsible and caring about sex compared to the young types? If these people have R-brain skills, the answer is yes. As sexologist Gabrielle Morrissey said:
'Older men often appreciate sex more. They are often slow, generous lovers.' (8)
Sexual positions
In the early stages, L-brain people will try to have sex in as many different positions as possible in one session. But later they quickly settle down to just one or two sexual positions for the rest of their lives, and often in just one room (usually the bedroom), at a particular time (usually at night or early in the morning).
R-brain people will primarily engage in sex in one main simple position for the entire session. The next sexual intercourse may be performed in a different position. The sexual position will usually change with each moment of sex for quite some time. And when all the positions are exhausted, they will try sex in different rooms, at different times of the day, and wear different kinds of clothing prior to or during sex. This approach to sex continues as R-brain people explore the many different avenues for achieving the goals of life during sex.
Competition vs cooperation
L-brain people, especially the young and inexperienced types, think sex is a kind of competition to see who can experience it first and to see how quickly they can reach an orgasm.
This is why many inexperienced young L-brain men prefer to be the only male to have access to so-called "virgin" girls for sex and why they tend to climax first before women do because of their strong L-brain characteristics learnt from prehistoric times when sex needed to be quick and competitive (ie. more than one male for one female tends to bring out this need to show who is the dominant male, especially in times when the survival of the human species was paramount).
Also the lives of men tend to be short, and therefore usually need to impregnate as many women as possible in the shortest period of time.
R-brain people do not have to think in a competitive way during sex. In fact, they prefer to think of sex as a two-way street. There is much cooperation going on during sex between R-brain couples. In fact, the cooperation and understanding of the sexual needs of human beings are so great and deeply engrained in the minds of genuine R-brain men and women that it is not unusual for sex to be performed among three or more individuals in one session. Thus it is quite possible for two or more males to be having sex with one female at the same time, or vice versa. But this assumes the people involved are sufficiently R-brain. If there is any chance for one to be L-brain and capable of being jealous, this would not work.
Sex as a tool for conflict resolution?
R-brain people find sex as a powerful tool for solving conflicts and not just as a means of accelerating learning and reinforcing positive behaviour. Sometimes communication may take place prior to sex to see if a solution can be found. At other times, R-brain people find it better to have sex first to relax, bring more positive emotions into the situation, and so later think more clearly about the problem. In that way, R-brain people learn the problem is not in the people themselves but in the things they do, the beliefs they acquire and sometimes in the environment in which the people are living in. This makes it easier for R-brain people to have sex even when a problem has not yet been resolved. Once a solution is found, R-brain people usually engage in sex again to reinforce the new behaviours learned by all concerned.
For L-brain people, sex is usually not seen as a conflict resolution tool. Sex is only for procreation purposes or to meet one's own sexual needs such as reaching an orgasm. Sometimes L-brain people have trouble having sex at all until a conflict is resolved, a common trait among L-brain women who often ponder and strew over any minor problem and cannot move on to do anything else until the problem is properly resolved in their minds.
L-brain men, on the other hand, can easily and temporarily put aside the most difficult problems in their lives. In fact, sex can be seen as the way L-brain men can balance the extreme conflicts and horrors they may have experienced in their lives. This is incredibly common in war such as when soldiers decide to rape the enemy's young women. Sex among these men is more the conquering of another women and knowing they have achieved an orgasm in someone else as they balance their emotions. Rarely do L-brain men see the benefits of sex in resolving social conflicts. Afterwards these men usually do not learn anything new (except perhaps to think it is okay to rape women when there is a problem in their lives).
This is probably why L-brain men like to marry R-brain women because they are quieter, have no hang ups during periods of conflict, and are able to relax more often to allow the men to engage in sex with them, even if the experience might be quick and potentially unsatisfying. Or some L-brain men may marry a L-brain women with a strong enough interest in quick L-brain sex not to be affected by anything around them.
It all depends on how people see sex and whether it is a tool for whatever it is they wish to personally achieve from it, or see grander goals for the rest of society from engaging in the activity.
Chimpanzees in the wild also follow a similar R-brain and L-brain trend as with humans. For example, pygmy chimpanzees known as bonobos quickly resolve conflict through sex. The societies of bonobos are strictly matriarchal and neither do the individuals kill nor fight over territory. In the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo where these monkeys are found, the food is usually plentiful and hence the only conflict likely to occur among these creatures are of the minor domestic disputes within a group. If conflict does occur, the monkeys will pair off and find a place to engage in sex. It is as simple as that.
Unfortunately these peace-loving creatures affectionately known as the jungle hippies are a dying breed. It is not because sex as a conflict resolution tool doesn't work in the natural world. In fact, it may be because there isn't enough of it going around. The latest news suggests human beings continue to poach these animals, and now loggers and mining companies want to extract resources from the jungles of Congo to make money for themselves.
Perhaps humans are too busy making money and not enough having sex and being happy with what one has got in life.
As a result of the impact of humans, these bonobos are likely to face extinction quicker than their L-brain chimpanzee cousins living in the harsher environments of the savanna. Why? Because many of the L-brain chimps have learned to fight with each other and other animals in more brutal ways to ensure there is enough food for specific individuals. And anyway, there isn't much to take away or exploit by humans in the savanna regions compared to the rainforests.
Sex alone for the bonobos will not solve the conflict with man (although one could argue these chimps deserve to f*ck up the arse of man for what humans are doing to the chimpanzee's natural habitat).
Until man learns to solve its own conflicts and can live within its means and learn to recycle what it uses, we will have to find ways to protect these animals. As conservationist Claudine Andre said:
'All the great apes left in the wild face extinction, but it is the bonobos who look likely to be the first ones to go.
'Their [the bonobos] habitat was right on the front line in the civil war, they have always been poached for bushmeat and, now that there is peace, you have loggers and mining companies starting operations again.' (Pflanz, Mike. Chimps find no safety in sex: The Sydney Morning Herald. 10-11 September 2005, p.21.)
Perhaps women can do the job themselves of controlling the behaviours of L-brain men through sex (with a gun in hand in case some males get violent). As Sydney Morning Herald writer, Ms Lisa Pryor, said:
'If we want to radically improve our lot as women, there is a simple thing we can do which is entirely within our power. It does not require placards or marching in the street. It would not cost the Government a cent. It is so obvious that it is remarkable we have not done it already: we must call a moratorium on having sex with bastards.
'....Sadly, though, if we do call a mass strike on having sex with bastards, the biggest challenge will be dealing with all the scabs. These scabs do not need to be secretly trained in Dubai. There are plenty of compliant, foolish and just plain desperate girls who would happily break the picket line for no better reason than they would rather have a bad man than no man at all.
'....These women should be treated with sympathy and psychotherapy....
'We only make life harder for ourselves when we allow other women to be treated poorly and pretend it is acceptable. We need to foster a new kind of sisterhood based on an understanding that our self-interest lies in protecting the interest of other women....
'While sex shouldn't be used as a weapon, surely there's nothing wrong with it as a negotiating tool. It is surely more empowered than the state of affairs in our raunch-obsessed culture, where being a sex goddess is deemed compulsory rather than a bonus.
'Once the revolution comes, and bastards have been black-banned, women will be left with a few alternatives. Lesbianism is one option, buying cats for company is another.
'For animal-haters and the incurably heterosexual, there is a third. Why not throw a bone to all the nice guys? The balding, bashful, kindhearted and badly dressed masses who are yearning for action. The men too sheepish or down to earth to hang out in fashionable bars lobbing naff pick-up-lines at over-styled Sex and the City wannabes. The men who miss out because, let's face it, shallow women are as common as shallow men.' (Pryor, Lisa. It's time to refuse to lie down — and be counted: The Sydney Morning Herald. 18-19 February 2006, p.42.)
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A summary of what sex is usually like between different brain types
When two L-brain people are having sex, both are quite happy to work quickly and strenuously towards achieving an orgasm, with the man reaching his orgasm first, although it is not unusual for a L-brain women to reach hers first. Whoever comes first, he/she will usually make it clear verbally (eg. "Oh God!" or whatever). This gives the other person a chance to reach their own orgasm straight away.
When two R-brain people are having sex, both are quite happy to work slowly, deliberately and with minimal effort. It is rare for a man or woman in this relationship to come first, because both are closely working with the other to reach orgasms simultaneously. But in the circumstance where the women wants to experience sex with her preferred sexual partner without going through the consequences of having babies, sometimes she will quietly have her orgasms very early during sex. Or if the sex is prolonged, wait until after about two-and-a-half or 3 hours of sex to have the orgasm without the man knowing. Then she will let him know she is happy and satisfied. But after a long and arduous sexual intercourse, it can become difficult for a R-brain man to maintain enough hormones in his body to help him reach an orgasm and may in fact be too tired to reach this point. Nevertheless, the enduring nature of the sexual encounter and the near exhaustion of having sex is not likely to upset him as his body is able to control his need to ejaculate. He is simply too tired to complain.
Or, alternatively, if a R-brain man is capable of reaching orgasm combined with a simultaneous expulsion of a reasonable amount of sperms from his penis, a R-brain woman can position herself in such a way as to ensure the penis penetrates at an angle and does not make full penetration inside her vagina. In that way, there is a high probability she will never get pregnant from the sex. (9)
For example, the woman might lie on her front as the man tries to insert and penetrate the woman vagina from above and behind. But because penetration is not deep enough and the penis has to be at an angle considered not favourable for the sperms to reach the cervix and naturally the womb in an easy way, it becomes a natural contraception technique. In fact, when combined with adequate lubrication within the vagina, the environment would be doubly worse for the sperms as the highly acidic nature of the lubrication will kill the sperms. Where lubrication is limited, adding lemon juice will have a similar effect on the sperms.
In the case where a L-brain man meets a R-brain woman or vice versa, it is not unusual for one partner or the other to be somewhat unsatisfied from the sexual experience. Sometimes, for instance, a R-brain women may be sexually unsatisfied because the L-brain man may have come too soon. Or a L-brain women may become easily tired and complain of headaches because a R-brain man has not come quick enough. Unless the partners are prepared to learn from each own's perspective and experiment with sex in different ways as part of the process of balancing oneself, it is likely one or the other will be unsatisfied in some way.
People who are concerned about the consequences of sex (ie. making babies), or who have sexual needs but are not physically ready to engage in actual sexual intercourse, or who are not sexually satisfied with, or cannot find sexual satisfaction in or at least feel comfortable with someone of the opposite sex, may be inclined to find sexual satisfaction with someone of the same sex. This homosexual behaviour is particularly common among women (especially at a young age), although men can experience this as well.
For example, in the largest study into sexual practices in the US, researchers discovered American women aged between 18 and 29 years are more likely to engage in homosexual activity with other women compared to men or other age groups for women. According to the study, this homosexual activity in women was said to be 14 per cent of the total respondents made by women in the abovementioned age range having engaged in at least one homosexual experience. If the age range was increased from 18 to 44 years, the figure became 11 per cent, up from 4 per cent since the last study in 1992. As William Mosher, the leading author in the study held by the National Centre for Health Statistics, said:
'If it is seen as a safer alternative [than vaginal sex with men], it is an interesting response to the campaigns to reduce teen pregnancy and to reduce sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.' (Maugh, Thomas. Young women play it safe with sex: The Sydney Morning Herald. 17-18 September 2005, p.17.)
And now some observers are suggesting this statistical trend is revealing an increasing balance between men and women with more women choosing to be more open and confident about discussing their sexual behaviour and in engaging in sexual activity with the right partner(s). Possibly the start of a new sexual revolution of the 21st century?
Homosexuality, including some men who choose to behave like a woman called transvestites, often develop in a society that fails to provide the necessary emotional, physical, mental and spiritual love and maturity at the right times and in a certain way to help every worthy individual to grow and be satisfied.
For some women, there may be an added bonus for homosexual behaviour: it will not lead to unwanted pregnancies.
Homosexuality is also partly influenced by our genes. Looking back into our evolution, we notice there was a time when nearly 300 million years ago males once had two X chromosomes like the females and the sexes were not seen to be significantly different in outer appearance as required to increase the likelihood of producing offsprings through sex. Thus when the time came to reproduce, it would not be unusual for males to accidentally meet up with other males, or females with females, to help satisfy a basic sexual need. Fortunately for heterosexual types this changed when one of the male X-chromosomes lost part of its genes and turned into the Y-chromosome. Since then, the Y-chromosome was able to store more masculine traits in its genes when activated. But males still have remnants of the original genes in the X-chromosomes.
Could certain genes in the X-chromosome get activated for some males to help feminise their thinking?
Another interesting discovery is how the greater the number of older brothers exist in a family and all showing masculine and heterosexual behaviours, the greater the likelihood of the youngest brother becoming gay. It is almost as if the brain tries to balance the situation by feminising the brain of some men. The same could be said of females in a family who become lesbians (or tom boys). Women could also be balancing their minds by masculising the brain.
Of course, researchers cannot discount the possibility other factors could be at play such as hormone imbalances, genetics and how close the relationships might be with the mother and father.
At any rate, homosexual tendencies are believed to be both a learned behaviour and one that can be influenced by our genes.
In the case of learned behaviours, one of the prime motivators for pushing people into homosexuality is the excessive conditional love placed on certain individuals by a L-brain society (eg. you must have a job and be earning enough money before you can have sex and have children; you must be a man and act like one and achieve certain male things before getting the love you require; you must have sex at a certain age about 18 years whether or not you are physically and psychologically ready for it at an earlier age; or you have to be this kind of person or that before we give you the love you need) as well as all the other various social stresses men (and perhaps some women) have to endure when surviving in a modern and supposedly advanced L-brain and potentially unemotional society.
This is quite common among people held in prisons and in some quarters of the defence forces (eg. the Navy) for long periods of time. Because these places are highly restrictive and tend to isolate the genders into their own special areas for very long periods of time, it is not unusual for homosexual tendencies to develop.
In extreme situations where a person loses interest sexually in the opposite sex and has no inclination for sex with the same gender, people can become described as asexual. People with very busy lives without having an intimate relationship with someone are usually likely to fall into this category.
What society does not always realise is that every human being deserves to be loved no matter who they are. It is a basic right of every human being. If, for any reason, people are restricted in their ability to seek that love (whether it is through sex, a hug, a positive word of encouragement, or some other means), people will eventually find avenues to create that love (whether it is through masturbation, homosexuality or other areas). It is natural. Every living thing needs love.
Therefore people should be allowed to find the love they need through any reasonable avenue they have learned. And should other people be permitted to play a part in that love, it should be consensual and done in the safest and most positive way possible for all concerned.
In the end, it is up to you to decide what it is that makes you happy.
The same is true for heterosexual people in the workplace. This is why people like ACTU assistant secretary Richard Marles have said:
'Studies have shown that one of the significant effects of working long hours — and Australians work some of the longest hours in the world — is that people are having less sex at home, so it should not be surprising if it happens in the workplace.' (Purcell, Charles. No sex, please - we're working: The Sydney Morning Herald (My Career supplement). 2-3 April 2005, p.1.)
Even some psychologists agree sex is an important part of people's lives which cannot be totally restricted.
Naturally one person in favour of sex in the workplace or elsewhere is Robbie Swan, co-ordinator of the sex industry lobby group the Eros Association based in Canberra. Swan said:
'Psychologists say we're supposed to have a sexual thought every nine or 12 seconds.
'People have every right to have sex at work under the right conditions. It it doesn't interfere with their work — or that you're not doing it in someone's face so they'd be offended — it's no one else's business.' (Purcell, Charles. No sex, please - we're working: The Sydney Morning Herald (My Career supplement). 2-3 April 2005, p.1.)
What about those locked up in prison?
In the case of men and women held for long periods of time in prison, for instance, with nothing immediate to look forward to and thus potentially little interest in learning or wanting to change one's own behaviour (ie. lack of love), society should try a social experiment. Perhaps it is time we use sex as a powerful tool for accelerated learning? What would happen if we provide prisoners with this kind of reward at appropriate times when something has been learned?
For example, if a prisoner successfully achieves something such as learning a useful skill (eg. negotiation, conflict resolution, managing stress, relating to other people in a peaceful way, carpentry etc), exercising to a certain level of fitness (understanding the importance of good health), and/or acquiring some other positive form of knowledge they can apply for themselves (eg. safe sex etc), he/she should be allowed access and have private time to his/her partner.
The partner could be a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband living outside the prison who visits the prisoner. Or, it may be possible in one bold move to allow male and female prisoners to meet and talk before they go away and decide on who they like to consider having sex with.
If the prisoner does not want to learn something, the reward should be delayed until the learning is achieved.
How often should it be done? Positive reinforcements for prisoners through sex should be done within a reasonable time frame. It should not take too long or the prisoners will be unable to stay focussed on the learning. But it mustn't be too short or there is no substantial learning achieved. Prisoners need goals to reach for and should be easily achievable within a reasonable time frame if they want to do the right thing and are willing to learn (which shouldn't be a problem when the issue of sex is discussed).
Perhaps on a monthly basis might be a good start. Or, in the early stages, depending on the nature of the crimes committed by some prisoners and how ready they are, they may need to acquire certain skills and knowledge over a period of up to 6 or 12 months (or maybe longer) before they have reached a level where they can be considered responsible enough to be rewarded through sex.
It will have to be conducted on a case-by-case basis to determine when is a suitable time to implement the reward.
Then, after a period of time of learning and regular reinforcement within the walls of the prison, when a prisoner does get released into the community, he/she will understand the importance of looking after other people, have skills they need to get jobs, and think positively about life. And later, perhaps they can marry the person they love who will keep them on the straight and narrow for the rest of their lives.
And if that is successful, why not consider establishing a sex competition among male and female prisoners and/or their partners? Every four years, start the sex olympics in prison. Couples can decide which competition they want to go into to show how skilled they are in the art of love-making.
Or why not give male and female prisoners something to talk about and get their minds off the negative aspects of their lives by going into sex competitions among themselves as they try out new ideas such as testing their sexual endurance or, with careful practice and protection, how quickly they can accomplish sex? Or perhaps a variety of different female prisoners may want to be more adventurous in what they want to do?
Perhaps more facesitting and tying up male prisoners to the floor?
For instance, let female prisoners find out what it is like to feel for a couple of minutes the penises of many different male prisoners (all blindfolded and wearing a condom) and then mark on a score card what they thought about the experience. The male prisoner who scores the highest from all the females will win the competition. It may also teach the men that having the biggest penis and coming quickly may not necessarily help you to win the competition. You have to think about the other people as well. A very powerful concept to learn for a man.
In the meantime, female prisoners can take away the experience of knowing what it is like (and it may even help them to reach their orgasms as a reward) so next time they will want to learn more and prepare for the next event or reward.
Similarly let male prisoners enjoy the experience and talk about the positives of what happened to them.
Or why not have male prisoners tied down on mattresses (shouldn't be any problems here) and let them test their ability to perform cunninlingus on the female prisoners sitting on their faces. Not every female prisoner may feel comfortable in having proper sex with a male prisoner, so why not try this out as a form of competition? See how quickly a male prisoner can help a woman to achieve orgasm.
The male prisoner who does the best job in the quickest time to get a female prisoner to reach orgasm will win the competition.
If male and female prisoners do win certain competitions, additional rewards could be provided (perhaps a shortening of their prison sentence).
The idea is radical and not everyone may agree with this approach. But any other way (including turning sex into a privilege and something which should be denied within prisons) would slow down the rehabilitation, be very expensive, and will not guaranteed to help prisoners change their lives right around for the long-term.
We may restrict the liberty of people who are held in prison, but we should not deny their humanity and hope for the future.
Are we willing to try something different in the 21st century and beyond?
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Paedophilia or child sex offenders is another issue worth discussing. These behaviours appear to occur when L-brain males or females develop a distorted view of sex in later life. Why? Maybe it is because at a young age the offenders suddenly experienced a positive incident or incidents leading to an interest and later a fantasy about understanding, observing and possibly experiencing sex with young teenagers/children.
An example of such an incident is when a young boy aged 6 living in a children's home for many years develop feelings of rejection. Then suddenly the boy experiences a positive situation when a young girl aged, say, 12 years of age suddenly brings the boy into a private room and asks him to fondle her and apply cream to certain parts of her body.
While not all young girls will do this, it is possible and probable, and hence quite natural, for some girls to reach a certain level of sexual development, maturity and/or readiness to experiment in this way. But when it does happen, either the boy, the girl, or both may learn from the experience that this may be "okay to do".
In most situations, young boys and girls would ignore it and grow up into normal adults without ill effects. Even if girls and boys do develop an early interest in sex from the incident, it is not likely they will act on their fantasies until they reach the legal age of consent and only with someone of the same or similar legal age. But for some other girls and boys, this interest in sex could manifest itself into adult life as an interest in only young girls and/or boys.
It is from these humble and seemingly innocent beginnings where it is possible for either the young girl or the young boy to develop into a child sex offender.
The other possibility is that some L-brain people become obsessed with the idea of having younger and younger partners to look at. Because L-brain people tend to value good outer appearance and that young people are often perceived as more attractive than older types, the brain may think after a while that looking and possibly having sex with a 17-year-old is great. If this is okay, why not a 16-year-old? And if that's possible, then why not a 15-year-old and so on until the child says "No."
"Wouldn't the experiences get more exciting the younger the partner is?" as some of these people think it would, especially as the barriers get slowly broken down and realise they can still see the elements of sexual attractivness in increasingly younger people and can still have physical sex with younger and younger people.
Maybe this is why some adults involved in this activity often ask children to wear sexy clothing to emphasise this sexual attractiveness in the adults' eyes. Anything to give a sense it is probably okay to have sex because they can easily see what they think are breasts behind a bra and the sight of what seems to be a mature slit for where the vagina is that could accept a penis. Or perhaps to make a boy look more like a man so an older woman thinks it is okay to sit on his face? So long as young people appear to be consentual (ie. children may not fully understand why but will do it because they simply want to please the adults), why not have sex with them?
Also it is possible that some men could have smaller penises than most other males and therefore need a younger partner to have sex in order to make themselves feel more well-endowed. Or perhaps these older men and women who get involved in this activity are not attractive to other adults and therefore need an opportunity to feel loved and so think sex is the way to get the love they need.
Whatever the truth, society describes these types of people as child sex offenders.
The majority of people categorised in this manner but never get identified in society have no more interest in children than a desire to view a naked young child or to look up a child's dress. But never do they go on further with their desire. These people will often successfully keep the secret to themselves for the rest of their lives, even living healthy sex lives with other adults of their own age or be on their own.
For a fraction of these people, it may go further with a desire to touch the genitalia of a child either orally or with the fingers.
In rare circumstances, and certainly not as common as society would make out to be, some people may go too far by deciding to engage in masturbation or actual acts of sex with the child. It is when it reaches this stage do these people need immediate help from society to reverse the behaviour. Otherwise, these people may develop mechanisms in the mind of ignoring the pain and the harm they may cause to children because they think "it is okay" when, in fact, it isn't.
This is the moment when society must be compassionate and show a willingness to help these people, not treat them like monsters. And it must happen before it reaches to the point of having sex with the children. Certainly when adults are deliberately touching children in intimate areas should the problem be brought out into the open. This is where education of children about sex should be done early enough to ensure they can speak out at the right time, or make it clear to the adult it is wrong.
On the same token, society should not get paranoid if, say, adults see a naked child or accidentally looks up a child's dress. This is no clear indiciation that a person will become a child sex offender. There is no evidence to support this view.
We need to show more compassion to the offenders. The more we treat these very small percentage of people in society as really bad people who "don't deserve to live" and ought to be castrated or killed, the more we create a greater irrational fear within ourselves of other people, especially if they happen to be male.
For example, Tom Waring of Ainslie, Canberra, said:
'So it's now standard practice in the airline industry to reseat adult males away from kiddies travelling solo.
'Good thing too. Those disgusting rockspiders could be anywhere. We can't be too careful.
'The real question is, why only on planes? What about kids on trains, buses and ferries too? And trams.
'And really, on the same logic, they should prevent kiddies sitting next to male relatives too.
'Almost all pedophiles are somehow related to kids. The odds on any randomly selected male being a pedophile are exactly the same. Can't be too careful.
'But what about blokes taking kids to the movies? Who knows what's going on there? On balance, I think we have no alternative other than to outlaw all unsupervised adult male contact with children under 16. Including fathers.
'It's the only safe solution.
'If it only prevents one kiddy from being molested, it'd be worth the inconvenience, right? We can't be too careful, can we?' (The Canberra Times (Letters to the Editor): Men: You can't trust 'em. 3 December 2005, p.B10.)
This kind of irrational fear can only be reversed and brought back to balance through compassion and love while understanding the fact that the problem itself is not as widespread as the media make it out to be.
And why is it just men? Can't women molest children as well? Where women do get involved with children, the interest is usually nothing more than to observe a child naked. In a few cases, a woman may wish to touch a child's naked body. In very rare cases, a woman may allow a child to explore and touch the woman's body. And if the child does develop any sexual desires, the woman may allow say a young boy to insert his erect penis inside her vagina. Otherwise, the child may simply be encouraged to touch and possibly perform oral sex on her.
While this may seem natural and innocent, there are important issues to realise for the adults engaging in such activity. The biggest issue of all is the pressure placed on children to satisfy the fantasies of the adult men and women. The pressure is both psychological and physical. Sometimes children are simply not ready.
The only thing parents can do in this situation is to teach children how any adult can be a potential risk and to tell them how to deal with the situation appropriately when, and if, it happens.
On the other hand, there are children who do grow into young teenagers and develop the incredible maturity to understand the nature of sex. This is probably because their bodies have sexually matured at a younger age and they may have learned about the subject online or with friends of the same or slightly older age.
When this happens, the boundary starts to blur. When is it safe for teenagers to engage in sex
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